Time: For the past few weeks (as long as Christmas specials have been airing on tv) Abigail's been obsessed with the time. She asks me a million times a day, "What time is it, Papi?" It recently dawned on me that, while I've been giving her accurate accounts of the time, that I've been giving her the wrong answer. She's been waiting for me to say, "It's CHRISTMAS TIME!" See, in her mind (and I'm pretty sure Elise is convinced of this as well) "Christmas Time" is an actual time on the clock and she just hasn't been asking me what time it is at the right moment. We're trekking East this year to spend Christmas with family. Oh what shrill shrieking there will be when at long last the girls will hear what they've been waiting for us to say.
Also falling under the "Little Girl Logic" category is Weather. In all the Christmas movies and commercials there's snow. It can't be Christmas Time if there's no snow. And every little girl knows that it only snows at Christmas Time. Based on those truths we get the equation: Snow = Christmas Time. The inverse (Christmas time = Snow) is also true. Along with the incessant questioning about the time is a funny (to me) obsession with looking out the front door window for the snow. I think she's hoping to scoop the story and be able to tell me when it's Christmas Time by watching the weather. I don't have the heart to tell her that it doesn't really snow where we're going next week. Growing up in GA, I remember a few times when it snowed and all the kids ran outside to roll up the pine needles with the light dusting that managed to stick to make a "snow man." More like a "snow cave man" complete with pine needle "hair." But I guess there's always the off chance there will be snow somewhere on our journey. Hope so.
Friday, December 17, 2010
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Bedtime Story: Creation
This one's not a funny story, but it's a bedtime story I tell the girls. It's simplified with lots of repetition which makes it a good one for teaching kids. All the repetition also makes it an easy story to tell because there's sort of a rhythm to it. Enjoy.
A very long time ago, before Papi and Mami, before Grandpa and Grandma, and before Grandpapi and Grandmami, there was nothing and everything was dark. There was only God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. God looked around and decided to make something. So he said, "I want the earth and sky and light." And it was so. There was the earth covered by water, the sky, light, and dark. There was day time and night time for the first day. Later God looked at what he'd made - the earth covered by water, the sky, the light, the dark - and saw that it was good, but he wanted to make it better so he said, "I want to separate all this water. I want water in the sky and water on the earth. And it was so. There was day time and night time, and there was water in the sky and water on the earth for the second day. Later God looked at what he'd made - the earth covered by water, the sky, the light, the dark, the water in the sky, the water on the earth - and saw that it was good, but he wanted to make it better so he said, "I want to make some dry ground with trees and flowers and keep the water in special places called oceans. And it was so. There was day time and night time, there was water in the sky and on the earth, and there was dry ground with trees and flowers, and there was water was in special places called oceans for the third day. Later God looked at what he'd made - the earth, the light, the dark, the water in the sky, the water on the earth, the dry ground with trees and flowers - and saw that it was good, but he wanted to make it better so he said, "I want a sun for the day time and a moon and stars for the night time. And it was so. There was day time and night time, there was water in the sky and on the earth, there was dry ground with trees and flowers, there was water in special places called oceans, there was the sun for day time and the moon and stars for the night time for the fourth day. Later God looked at what he'd made - the earth, the light, the dark, the water in the sky, the water on the earth, the dry ground with trees and flowers, the sun, the moon and stars - and saw that it was good, but he wanted to make it better so he said, "I want fish, whales, and sharks in the water and I want big birds and little birds in the air." And it was so. There was day time and night time, there was water in the sky and on the earth, there was dry ground with trees and flowers, there was water in special places called oceans, there was the sun for day time and the moon and stars for the night time, and there were fish, whales and sharks in the water, and there were big birds and little birds in the air for the fifth day. Later God looked at what he'd made - the earth, the light, the dark, the water in the sky, the water on the earth, the dry ground with trees and flowers, the sun, the moon and stars, fish, whales, sharks, big birds, little birds - and saw that it was good, but he wanted to make it better so he said, "I want dinosaurs, dogs, cats, cows, horses, and lots of bugs. I also want to make a boy and a girl to rule over everything I've made. The boy and girl will be special because I'll make them like me." And it was so. There was day time and night time, there was water in the sky and on the earth, there was dry ground with trees and flowers, there was water in special places called oceans, there was the sun for day time and the moon and stars for the night time, and there were fish, whales and sharks in the water, and there were big birds and little birds in the air, dinosaurs, dogs, cats, cows, horses, lots of bugs and a special boy and girl who were made like God for the sixth day. After God made all these things he looked around and saw that it was good. The next day God rested and enjoyed looking at all the things he made. That's why we tell God, "thank you".
A very long time ago, before Papi and Mami, before Grandpa and Grandma, and before Grandpapi and Grandmami, there was nothing and everything was dark. There was only God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. God looked around and decided to make something. So he said, "I want the earth and sky and light." And it was so. There was the earth covered by water, the sky, light, and dark. There was day time and night time for the first day. Later God looked at what he'd made - the earth covered by water, the sky, the light, the dark - and saw that it was good, but he wanted to make it better so he said, "I want to separate all this water. I want water in the sky and water on the earth. And it was so. There was day time and night time, and there was water in the sky and water on the earth for the second day. Later God looked at what he'd made - the earth covered by water, the sky, the light, the dark, the water in the sky, the water on the earth - and saw that it was good, but he wanted to make it better so he said, "I want to make some dry ground with trees and flowers and keep the water in special places called oceans. And it was so. There was day time and night time, there was water in the sky and on the earth, and there was dry ground with trees and flowers, and there was water was in special places called oceans for the third day. Later God looked at what he'd made - the earth, the light, the dark, the water in the sky, the water on the earth, the dry ground with trees and flowers - and saw that it was good, but he wanted to make it better so he said, "I want a sun for the day time and a moon and stars for the night time. And it was so. There was day time and night time, there was water in the sky and on the earth, there was dry ground with trees and flowers, there was water in special places called oceans, there was the sun for day time and the moon and stars for the night time for the fourth day. Later God looked at what he'd made - the earth, the light, the dark, the water in the sky, the water on the earth, the dry ground with trees and flowers, the sun, the moon and stars - and saw that it was good, but he wanted to make it better so he said, "I want fish, whales, and sharks in the water and I want big birds and little birds in the air." And it was so. There was day time and night time, there was water in the sky and on the earth, there was dry ground with trees and flowers, there was water in special places called oceans, there was the sun for day time and the moon and stars for the night time, and there were fish, whales and sharks in the water, and there were big birds and little birds in the air for the fifth day. Later God looked at what he'd made - the earth, the light, the dark, the water in the sky, the water on the earth, the dry ground with trees and flowers, the sun, the moon and stars, fish, whales, sharks, big birds, little birds - and saw that it was good, but he wanted to make it better so he said, "I want dinosaurs, dogs, cats, cows, horses, and lots of bugs. I also want to make a boy and a girl to rule over everything I've made. The boy and girl will be special because I'll make them like me." And it was so. There was day time and night time, there was water in the sky and on the earth, there was dry ground with trees and flowers, there was water in special places called oceans, there was the sun for day time and the moon and stars for the night time, and there were fish, whales and sharks in the water, and there were big birds and little birds in the air, dinosaurs, dogs, cats, cows, horses, lots of bugs and a special boy and girl who were made like God for the sixth day. After God made all these things he looked around and saw that it was good. The next day God rested and enjoyed looking at all the things he made. That's why we tell God, "thank you".
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
My Commie Daughters
To instill in our kids the idea of sharing, I have the mantra, "There's no mine. Only ours," and "Everybody shares everything." It all started because we got tired of hearing the girls fight over who gets to play with a toy. There's no reason to fight over a single toy when they're sitting in a pile of toys right in front of a toy box! I know all kids fight over toys, but this was getting crazy and we decided to nip this in the bud.
When we see or hear the girls fighting over a toy and deem it a silly argument, we usually take the toy and no one gets to play with it for a while. Over the last month or so I've taken that one step farther. When I've seen them fight over a toy, I've made them follow me to the kitchen and watch me throw it away. Most of the time what they fight over is play jewelry (plastic bead necklaces, bracelets...). The arguments greatly decreased both in frequency and intensity. They're catching on. Last week they had another argument and I decided it was time to take things yet one step farther. I stopped the fight and made them follow me to the kitchen and then made them both hold the toy and put it in the trash can themselves. I think it really sunk in. Not only do they not get to play with the toy, but they don't get to play with it ever again.
A few days later I heard them fighting over a toy in their room. I listened to hear how this would end. Imagine my feeling when I heard one of them (I couldn't tell if it was Abigail or Elise) say, "Shh. Ok, ok. You can play with it now. I'll play with it later." YES!
Then a few days later we went to the doctor's office and were reading books in the waiting room. When it was time for us to go see the doctor, without saying anything, both girls jumped off my lap and said to each other, "Let's put our books back so the other little girls can read them." YES!
I have good little Commie daughters.
Isn't that how we're all called to be anyway? Everybody shares everything.
When we see or hear the girls fighting over a toy and deem it a silly argument, we usually take the toy and no one gets to play with it for a while. Over the last month or so I've taken that one step farther. When I've seen them fight over a toy, I've made them follow me to the kitchen and watch me throw it away. Most of the time what they fight over is play jewelry (plastic bead necklaces, bracelets...). The arguments greatly decreased both in frequency and intensity. They're catching on. Last week they had another argument and I decided it was time to take things yet one step farther. I stopped the fight and made them follow me to the kitchen and then made them both hold the toy and put it in the trash can themselves. I think it really sunk in. Not only do they not get to play with the toy, but they don't get to play with it ever again.
A few days later I heard them fighting over a toy in their room. I listened to hear how this would end. Imagine my feeling when I heard one of them (I couldn't tell if it was Abigail or Elise) say, "Shh. Ok, ok. You can play with it now. I'll play with it later." YES!
Then a few days later we went to the doctor's office and were reading books in the waiting room. When it was time for us to go see the doctor, without saying anything, both girls jumped off my lap and said to each other, "Let's put our books back so the other little girls can read them." YES!
I have good little Commie daughters.
Isn't that how we're all called to be anyway? Everybody shares everything.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Baby Food
Each week we get an update from an online forum telling us what size our growing baby is and what the new developments are for the week (growing liver, kidneys are developing, eye lids are forming, etc). As for the size, we're told things like "Your baby is about 2cm long and weighs about 1oz. That's about the size of a blueberry."
The dilemma I've found myself in is thinking, "Hmm, I haven't had blueberries in a while. I think I'll go get some blueberries." But then when I get the blueberries home I can't not think about eating my unborn daughter when I snack on the berries (or apples, or grapefruit, or cantaloupe, or whatever the food of the week is).
This week's notice says, "The baby is approximately 15.7 inches long and weighs almost 3 pounds (about the size of a head of cabbage)." I'm not at all tempted to go gnaw on a head of cabbage. This week the baby is safe.
The dilemma I've found myself in is thinking, "Hmm, I haven't had blueberries in a while. I think I'll go get some blueberries." But then when I get the blueberries home I can't not think about eating my unborn daughter when I snack on the berries (or apples, or grapefruit, or cantaloupe, or whatever the food of the week is).
This week's notice says, "The baby is approximately 15.7 inches long and weighs almost 3 pounds (about the size of a head of cabbage)." I'm not at all tempted to go gnaw on a head of cabbage. This week the baby is safe.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Funny Phrases
At this time I'd like to share a list of phrases that, four years ago, I couldn't imagine myself saying:
* Girls, stop riding the barn!
* Hey, why'd you flush a whole role of toilet paper?
* No, don't eat the dog food!
* No, I don't want to eat the dog food either.
* You want ketchup on your ice cream? No.
* Would y'all please just stop licking stuff?
* Ok, what I really need from you girls is to just be quiet and let me clean your poop off the wall in peace.
* Time to eat. Get the rocks and sticks out of your diapers.
* Don't bonk your sister on the head with the stick. Or the flashlight. Or the remote. Or the vacuum attachment. You know what? Just sit down on the floor and don't move.
* No, BOGO doesn't want to wear a party dress.
* Don't play with poop. Yours or any other.
* Don't poke BOGO's pocket. (see an earlier post for this whole story)
* Don't pee on me.
* Don't put toys in the speaker hole. (I have a collection of toys retrieved from the sub-woofer that I'm not giving back)
* No, the cable guy does not want to see your panties.
* Yes, I wear big girl panties too. (trying to encourage them to wear their panties instead of diapers)
* Yes, that's my tail. (see an earlier post for this whole story)
* Don't poke the purple pigs.
* Don't leave your sandwich in the van.
* Stop painting the floor with your spit.
* It's a one-seater. Only one of you can sit on the toilet at a time.
* No, thanks. I don't need help in the potty. I'm good.
* Please don't lick the grill.
* Girls, stop riding the barn!
* Hey, why'd you flush a whole role of toilet paper?
* No, don't eat the dog food!
* No, I don't want to eat the dog food either.
* You want ketchup on your ice cream? No.
* Would y'all please just stop licking stuff?
* Ok, what I really need from you girls is to just be quiet and let me clean your poop off the wall in peace.
* Time to eat. Get the rocks and sticks out of your diapers.
* Don't bonk your sister on the head with the stick. Or the flashlight. Or the remote. Or the vacuum attachment. You know what? Just sit down on the floor and don't move.
* No, BOGO doesn't want to wear a party dress.
* Don't play with poop. Yours or any other.
* Don't poke BOGO's pocket. (see an earlier post for this whole story)
* Don't pee on me.
* Don't put toys in the speaker hole. (I have a collection of toys retrieved from the sub-woofer that I'm not giving back)
* No, the cable guy does not want to see your panties.
* Yes, I wear big girl panties too. (trying to encourage them to wear their panties instead of diapers)
* Yes, that's my tail. (see an earlier post for this whole story)
* Don't poke the purple pigs.
* Don't leave your sandwich in the van.
* Stop painting the floor with your spit.
* It's a one-seater. Only one of you can sit on the toilet at a time.
* No, thanks. I don't need help in the potty. I'm good.
* Please don't lick the grill.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Big girl panties.
I make a big deal when the girls use the toilet. It's the little victories that really make a difference in the girls' lives. I wouldn't want their little girl feelings to shrivel up and dry out. There are a few rewards for using the toilet. Sometimes they get stickers, other times they get chocolate milk, but the one reward that they both like more than stickers and chocolate milk is getting to wear big girl panties.
Papi, me peed in the potty.
Say it the right way, Abigail.
Papi, me peed in the potty.
That's great, sweetheart, but it's, "I peed in the potty."
(Looking up at me with proud eyes)
Oh, good job, Papi. Are you wearing big girl panties?
I didn't have the fight in me to explain the grammar to her so I just left it alone. I'm certain she believes in her heart that I wear big girl panties.
Papi, me peed in the potty.
Say it the right way, Abigail.
Papi, me peed in the potty.
That's great, sweetheart, but it's, "I peed in the potty."
(Looking up at me with proud eyes)
Oh, good job, Papi. Are you wearing big girl panties?
I didn't have the fight in me to explain the grammar to her so I just left it alone. I'm certain she believes in her heart that I wear big girl panties.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Pig Roast '01
It was my first summer away from my parents and my roommate and I were determined to make it a good one. We had the idea to have a house party for the Fourth of July. The Fourth was a work day that year so we had to plan some prep beforehand. I woke up early the day before (I think it was a Thursday) and headed to the Clemson University Swine and Bovine Department where I met the man who would sell me my first pig. I drove a 1983 Toyota Corolla wagon back then and just planned on transporting the pig back to the house in the back of it. I threw some dirty laundry in the back and covered that with plastic bags so the pig wouldn't get my car dirty. I wasn't aware of the gross anatomy of the pig. It turns out that the pig's "pocket" (see the post about BOGO's pocket to understand that reference) is directly under the tail and it's contents exits horizontally before falling. All this meant that as I was driving down the highway to drop the pig off at the house before going to work, the pig was backing against the inside of my car smearing it's excrement all over the place. It smelled so bad that I remember passing a dead skunk and sticking my head out the window thinking, "Ah, fresh air!"
We killed the pig, put it on a spit, and roasted it all day and had a great Great GREAT house party.
Fast forward about 2 months.
Remember all those clothes I put in the back of my car under the plastic bags for the pig to have a comfy ride? I didn't. I forgot all about them after I got the pig home and bagged the clothes and put the bags in the shed. I noticed that some of my clothes were missing and even asked my roommate if he had borrowed them because I hadn't seen them in a while. He said he didn't know about them and then I remembered - they were in a big trash bag in the shed because they had pig poop on them. The next day I went to the shed to get my clothes and take them to the laundromat. I slowly opened the bag and took a hesitant whiff and, to my surprise, it wasn't too bad. It was still pig poop, but it wasn't fresh and that meant it wasn't too bad. I deemed it safe to take to a laundromat and headed down the street with my bag of clothes and box of detergent. Arriving at the laundromat at the same time was a couple of girls. Yes, they were cute and flirty looking and although I had zero interest in asking either of them out, I didn't want to look like a goober in front of cute girls. With that in mind, I grabbed the bottom of the trash bag my pig poop clothes were in and I quickly jerked it out and up thus inverting the pile of clothes and pulling off the bag in one move. Bad idea! Apparently in the 2 months that the clothes were in the bag in the shed, a crust had formed over the top which sealed the stench and by inverting the pile I had unleashed upon this laundromat the most foul, fermented pig poop, moldy dirty laundry smell imaginable. The smell was so strong that it filled the entire building immediately. There was no escape. The girls gagged, giggled, and ran out and I barely got my clothes loaded into the washers without barfing myself. It's impossible to be cool when your clothes smell like that.
We killed the pig, put it on a spit, and roasted it all day and had a great Great GREAT house party.
Fast forward about 2 months.
Remember all those clothes I put in the back of my car under the plastic bags for the pig to have a comfy ride? I didn't. I forgot all about them after I got the pig home and bagged the clothes and put the bags in the shed. I noticed that some of my clothes were missing and even asked my roommate if he had borrowed them because I hadn't seen them in a while. He said he didn't know about them and then I remembered - they were in a big trash bag in the shed because they had pig poop on them. The next day I went to the shed to get my clothes and take them to the laundromat. I slowly opened the bag and took a hesitant whiff and, to my surprise, it wasn't too bad. It was still pig poop, but it wasn't fresh and that meant it wasn't too bad. I deemed it safe to take to a laundromat and headed down the street with my bag of clothes and box of detergent. Arriving at the laundromat at the same time was a couple of girls. Yes, they were cute and flirty looking and although I had zero interest in asking either of them out, I didn't want to look like a goober in front of cute girls. With that in mind, I grabbed the bottom of the trash bag my pig poop clothes were in and I quickly jerked it out and up thus inverting the pile of clothes and pulling off the bag in one move. Bad idea! Apparently in the 2 months that the clothes were in the bag in the shed, a crust had formed over the top which sealed the stench and by inverting the pile I had unleashed upon this laundromat the most foul, fermented pig poop, moldy dirty laundry smell imaginable. The smell was so strong that it filled the entire building immediately. There was no escape. The girls gagged, giggled, and ran out and I barely got my clothes loaded into the washers without barfing myself. It's impossible to be cool when your clothes smell like that.
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